I’m taking a brief pause from all the awesome and want to talk about relationships here for a bit… if that’s not your thing, come back tomorrow and there will be more awesome.
Yesterday I lost my best friend of about 38 years.
She was the one who consoled me when others couldn’t, wouldn’t, or I wouldn’t allow them to. She was the one who would always come to the rescue if I was lonely, needed to vent or just hang out and have fun. Her name was Food, and I realized yesterday she has never had my best interest at heart, nor has she been loyal. Our relationship was toxic.
I have been thinking a lot lately about why I overeat. I know that I do it, I know it’s unhealthy and that I am now paying the price with diagnoses of type 2 Diabetes, Hypertension and elevated cholesterol. I know better. I swear I know more about health and nutrition than a lay person should. Why the hell do I still do it?
We all know about emotional eating. We eat our feelings every single day – some of us more than others. For me though, this is a more than an oopsie slice of cake… it’s affecting my day to day life and the lives of those around me. From my growing list of health problems to the many friendships I let slide because it was easier to eat a pizza than feel and work it out.
Yesterday, something just clicked. I was taking some whole wheat flour that seemed to be going off out to our green bin of all things. As I was pouring the flour into the bin, a gust of wind carried some of it away and I started to cry – I just sobbed and felt so much loss. WTF? The best I can explain is that it was akin to spreading a loved ones ashes… over flour.
In just minutes I had so many realizations; she was never my best friend. I was so angry at her many betrayals, and disappointed in myself for not seeing her for what she was sooner.
After my tears dried up, my eyes saw with so much clarity. I had loved, I’d lost and I would carry on.
My best friend died yesterday. Despite our life-long dysfunctional relationship, I will mourn her.
Thank goodness for spoiled flour.