Suck It Up, Buttercup

Screw you Blogger.  Isn’t it irony at it’s finest that when I was logging on to write a personal post about how I can no longer let my inability to control everything get in the way of my health and happiness, you were down.

So, I’m drafting this in Notepad.  Score one for Mommy Heather.  Hah, even though I couldn’t control Blogger, I found a work around and got the job done until I could do it properly.

This photo why I have the need right now to spill my guts.

This is me, less than a year before our daughter was born.  I was thin(ish), healthier and happier than I have ever been in my life (and in Vegas to boot).  While I love my current role of being wife and mom and all the domestic things that I love that go along with it, I miss that control.  I am a control freak… not so much that I want to control others, but in that I need to control myself.  When life (aka, an adorable and incredibily smart three and a half year old girl) doesn’t let me get things done, when I want them done, it stresses me out.  When I get stressed, I used to go for a long fast walk… this has not been an option the past 2 years since Chelsea has been out of a stroller, so I chose the next best stress reliever – food.

Extra snacks and almost no exercise has left me feeling like crap.  Not only have I gained a ton of weight, I am back on anxiety medication, and my energy is at an all time low.

The other day I was having a conversation with my sister in law and she asked if I ever thought what life would be like if we didn’t have our kids… immediately I blurted out, “I’d be skinny and worldly”.  I feel like a total d-bag for being so selfish… kind of.

I KNOW that our daughter is not the reason for any of this, but she has been a convenient excuse for way too long.  Just like how I started typing in notepad when Blogger was down and I needed to vent, alternatives could have been found… I dug this hole all by myself.

I don’t like excuses, I see through everyone else’s so damn easily… yet am trying to pull off the same crap with myself.  (I’m not fond of gimmicks either… I lost weight before the good old fashioned way, eating sensible portions of real food, exercising and having fun… and kept it off until I let my need for control get the best of me).

(okay, back to writing in Blogger)

I’m writing this so I can read it everyday and let myself know that even though I can’t control everything, I can absolutely find time and ways to take care of myself, and that I’m on to ‘my little scheme’.   If you see some of this in you, please take a few minutes and write about your scapegoat… and stop trying to fool yourself.

About Heather Nolan

Heather Nolan lives just outside of Halifax, Nova Scotia. She loves her lil' family, her cats, traveling, and creating in the kitchen. Her iPhone is often confused for a conjoined twin.

Comments

  1. You are AWESOME Heather! Your honesty is so refreshing and inspiring! Have a wonderful, happy and healthy 2013!

  2. I agree withe Kelly and will add that I’m in the same exact boat! I’m one year into twin boys and wow, have I changed (for the worse I would add). Overweight, on and off anxiety pills, etc. Your post helps to know I’m not alone and I will try also to do better. :)

    • Try to get on top of it… while you still have a bit of control. Soon they’ll be scheming against you LOL.

      There are so many parents in the same situation… and it certainly helps exponentially to know that you are not alone, even if it feels that way a lot.

  3. Kuddos for your honesty! That takes strength and courage many folks don’t have and is the first step in getting to whatever your goal is. You’ve acknowledged what you feel is a problem, and sometimes that’s the hardest part!

  4. It is easy to blame the kids…but really the problem is our difficult adjusting to life changes and a change we decided to make to our lifestyle. For 3 years all I did was look after my kids but never felt good about myself. When I started blogging I finally felt like I had something of my own….things are still a struggle with 2 boys but I needed to do something that wasn’t about them.

  5. You are certainly being honest with yourself and putting it *all out there* on your blog is not only a brave thing to do but I’m sure it will serve to motivate you throughout the year (not to mention others).
    As you say, you have lost weight *the old fashioned way* before and I’m sure you will do it again. In publishing this post I think you are well on your way to achieving your goals. Happy New Year to you and the best of luck with all you set out to reach.

  6. Anonymous says:

    Heather You are so smart to be so honest with yourself. I hope that 2013 will be a great year for you and that you get all you want in your life on track again. Need any help remember that I am always there for you as I always have been!!

  7. I feel ya. I lost 122 lbs after the birth of my second daughter in 2009 (I skipped breakfast–now shown to be MORE effective than eating breakfast, counter to how we have always been told–then had a NSA Carnation Instant Breakfast for lunch and a small portion dinner), then turned right back around gained everything back plus, pretty much due to spending all my time at home after work and on weekends taking care of the kids. My husband works nights and is thus never able (or much willing otherwise) to watch them, now 5 1/2 and 3 1/2. My New Year’s resolution was to lose all this weight. I’ve started back on the same plan and am completely avoiding the scale. If it happens, it happens. There is no way I can sneak in any “me” time in my life without hiring someone as my mother is deceased, my sister lives out of state, my husband’s family all live out of state, and my friends are mostly in the same boat as me. So no treadmill or bike for me, just have to control what goes into my mouth. I was successful at this before, I know I can do it again. I have a huge closet full of the cutest things just begging for me to wear them–and I don’t want to end up a diabetic. I’ll cross my fingers for you, too! :)

  8. Sending you some support and a virtual squeeze from my little corner of the universe… xox

  9. Thank you for your honesty! Sending some positive thoughts your way for you to get yourself were you feel you need to be! You can do it! :-)

  10. This was exactly what I needed to read. The line about what your life would be like without kids, skinny and worldly… I feel guilty for thinking about that!

  11. This was just what I needed to read! I miss my pre-child life and your comment about what life would be like without kids, skinny and worldly…I feel guilty for thinking that! I often picture mom bloggers as being so awesome and together and if I could just be more like them I’d be an awesome mom…but to know we also share the same stresses, it makes motherhood seem much less daunting. Thank you!

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